In the Adult Sibling Rivalry I discuss ways to retire long-held roles and establish new relationships with your adult brothers and sisters.
In Best Buddy Then, Alien Being Now I suggest tips to help you nurture an old friendship with someone who is very different from you.
WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY
CRISIS IN THIS
COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national
early education nonprofit organization that
pairs well-trained, caring adults with underserved
preschoolers who live in poverty in year long mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org
to learn more about Jumpstart
initiatives - such as Scribbles to
Novels; Playdate With A
Purpose; and Read for the Record.
I am honored to be Jumpstart's Read for the Record's National Spokesperson on NBC's Today Show on October 6, 2011. Please watch, become involved, and if you can, contribute by clicking on
There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world.
Please see Marlo Thomas' new website, www.marlothomas.com, where I discuss psychology and relationship issues. Marlo Thomas and I talk about families and the holidays (and we surely have a lot of holidays!). Tune in for some sanity saving ideas for YOUR family gatherings.
Once again thank you for continuing to read
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Women to Live a Balanced Life.
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is filled
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Adult Sibling Rivalry
Are you and your sibling still in competition for who has more? What do you do when your big brother still calls you "squirt" (and you're over forty and not a petite)? Have you never forgiven Sis for going out with the guy you had a crush on? Do you treat the baby in the family as if he is still in a highchair?
Sibling rivalry in childhood is about competition and as people grow up into adulthood, what served as healthy competition can become destructive envy. It is rooted in your past. Coming to terms with your own and your brothers' and sisters' rivalries to release yourself from long-held feelings of competition and favoritism is not easy but it can allow you and your relationships to mature and grow in ways that can surprise you. After all, despite your history, you are adults now and you can choose the type of attitude you bring to the situation and the response you offer. Parents, whether they are alive or dead, can perpetuate familial perceptions of roles and of what our relationships can or should be, if we allow them. So take control and re-examine your sibling relationship as a way to significantly improve your life.
I suggest you get out of 1975, 1955, or whatever year you conjure up when rivalry strikes. Begin to see your siblings as adults and attempt to know them as they would like to be known. Think about how you would like them to know you and consider what it would take to have a different relationship. Establish a new order or respect for one another even if you have to take the high road and make the first (and second or third) move.
You and your sibling likely want to be appreciated as you are and not just as the "role" you were assigned or which you assumed when you were growing up. If you can, show respect and avoid going into autopilot when the familiar teasing or manner of interacting begins. Jokes and humor about "when we were kids" can be fun, but not at the expense of someone's feelings - playing right into your sibling's insecurity. Change your tone and manner and avoid minefields. Show a sincere interest in what your sibling does with his or her life and who they have become or are becoming. If you set the example, hopefully your siblings will follow. If they don't and you're the recipient of unwelcome comments, don't bite the bait. Change your attitude and remind yourself of who you are and that it is unfortunate that the same old pattern takes time and energy away from establishing a healthy and productive and supportive way to connect with each other and each other's families.
When your brother or sister excels in something, allow yourself to acknowledge it with sincerity. Celebrate with them when something good happens in their life, whether it is running in a marathon, or buying their dream house. There are many facets of the sibling relationship and none is easy to deal with but when you can do that successfully, you will have a chance to connect and cooperate, which is a lot more comfortable than having an envious relationship.
As you rethink your sibling relationship, consider trading in competition for cooperation.
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.
Visit Marlo Thomas' site to access my relationship column and Mondays with Marlo video stream. http://marlothomas.aol.com/search/?q=dale+atkins
Be sure to read a brief article about relationships by Russell Lemle, Ph.D. : http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-first-we-first/201108/how-being-entitled-our-way-gets-in-the-way, with an introduction provided by Dr. Atkins.
Hear Dr. Atkins on the Dr. Steve Show, WPIX
Sept. 18th: Recovering from a break up with an "ex."
Darby and Friends
Archived from April 1st: Talking About Difficult Things
Read Dr. Atkins' article about charitable children, at www.jccgreenwich.org/index.php?option=com_myblog&Itemid=91.
Read Dr. Atkins' thoughts on baby name issues at:
Read Dr. Atkins' And Edythe Mencher's article in Reform
Winter 2010 Issue, Cover Story: Behind Bullying, and When Jack Pushed Jill Down the Hill.
Online at www.reformjudaismmag.com.
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic
Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants,"
in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf
Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by
Gallaudet University Press.
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family
Involvement and Counseling in Serving
Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing,"
in the new text, Introduction
to Aural Rehabilitation.
Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by
I invite you to visit my website to access archives of articles and interviews on line.
A Good Daily Habit
Bringing Nature Into Your Thoughts
Imagine yourself walking in a field of flowers and see where you mind goes. Imagine yourself surrounded by the beauty of nature, and let soothing thoughts calm your senses.
Appreciation of nature's balance is what allows us to keep balance in our daily lives.
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Best Buddy Then, Alien Being Now
You and your dear friend were inseparable when you were young. There was nothing you didn't share. You planned your lives, sharing all the things you were going to do and with whom you were going to do them. But now that you are adults somehow those connections aren't there.
Yes, people grow apart. However, for some of us, our critical judgmental nature takes over when we think about our friend with whom we shared so much. In part, because you were so close, his or her lifestyle, belief system, values, and almost everything else about them bothers you. You have a really hard time spending time with your friend now and you move at an entirely different pace. So is this reason to cut them out of your life? Is your shared history enough to keep your friendship alive in a meaningful way? You may still love this person even though your lives are so different. Is there a way to be with this person you love without losing your mind or your sanity? You can if you can engage, listen, learn, have open caring discussions without denigration and without trying to change them - all while being yourself.
Here are some tips to try:
Take a Cue from Star Trek. - That's right. Trekkies know the golden rule when visiting alien planets is to observe and never interfere. So when you go to visit your friend, pretend you are on their alien planet and you have no control over anything. Enjoy them the way they are.
Why Disagree? - Unless you are asking questions to really learn about why he or she believes what they do and to gain a better understanding, why bother going down the path of creating problems which you know will not be solved in a way that will satisfy you. You just know how you choose to live and leave it at that.
It's a Lifetime Connection. - The relationship obviously has something at its core and that can be supported and valued, so stay on that level of relating - it may only be a shared history; but that history is part of you and has helped to establish who you are and that can be invaluable.
With age can come maturity. Who is to say that all of our friends need to be just like us, with the same view of the world? Connecting with someone with whom you share a significant part of your past can teach you a lot about yourself and his or her view of the world, which you may not give yourself the opportunity to access if you didn't have this person in your life.
"When understanding is born in me, compassion is also born."
Thich Nhat Hanh
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works