In Helping Someone Who is Being Abused
I discuss the value of and ways to be helpful
to someone whom you suspect is on the
receiving end in a violent relationship.
In Tips for Determining What is
Important I offer suggestions for keeping
the things that help to feed your soul in a
high priority position in your life.
As you may know, Jumpstart is a national
early education nonprofit organization that
pairs caring adults with underserved
preschoolers in year long one-to-one
mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org
to learn more about Jumpstart and events.
If you would like to make a contribution,
you may do so at www.jstart.org/don
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.
updates on my appearances related to my
newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Helping Someone Who is Being Abused
You may or may not know that some of the
people in your life may be facing violence at
home. Whether you are a family member, a
friend, or a colleague, you can help to halt
the abuse. Domestic abuse is rarely a
one-time event; it usually happens more often
and gets worse.
It's impossible to know with certainty what
goes on behind closed doors, but there are
some telltale signs and symptoms of
violence and abuse that can help to alert
you. If you witness a number of warning
signs in a friend, family member, or
co-worker, you can reasonably suspect
Warning signs include: frequent injuries,
with the excuse of "accidents;" frequent and
sudden absences from work or school;
frequent, harassing phone calls from their
partner; fear of their partner, references
to their partner's anger; personality
changes; excessive fear of conflict;
submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness;
depression, crying, and low self-esteem.
You can help in a number of ways. Offer
support, information and resources such as a
fact-sheet from a local domestic violence
program. Remember to respect that it is the
person's decision about what, if anything,
they will do next. In this way you help the
person you care about put control of their
life back in their own hands and not in the
hands of the abuser.
Another way you can help is to focus on this
person's strengths. Often the victim of
domestic abuse is continually told that he or
she is a bad person, stupid, useless,
incapable of doing anything right. Told this
often enough, they begin to believe it. Give
them emotional support by verbalizing what
you like about them. Emphasize that they have
a right to have a life free from fear,
intimidation, violence or abuse.
Finally, help this person devise a safety
plan. Let them know that help is available.
They may decide to remain in the violent
relationship or return to the abuser after a
temporary separation, which is not unusual.
Do not pressure them to leave, but let them
know that you fear for their safety and that
of their children. See if you can help this
person consider how dangerous the violence
may be. Help them develop a plan of
for when the abuse happens again. Encourage
them to: keep a list
of people to call at the next occurrence and
hidden, packed bag with clothes and copies of
documents, cash, and the address of a
If you suspect domestic violence, gently find
to help. Everyone deserves a life with
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check www.drdaleatkins.co
for current appearances.
CT Dept. of Public Health: 2009 Early
Hearing Detection & Intervention
April 21: 9:00AM - 10:30AM, Speaker, Topic:
Delivering Difficult News in a Positive Way:
Relaying Hearing Results to Parents;
Hilton Garden Inn, 555 Corporate Dr.,
For further information, please contact
the CT Dept. of Public Health at
April 22: 6;30PM - 8:30PM, Speaker, Topic:
Healthy Relationships in the Challenging
Michaelian and Kohlberg, 315 B Springfield
Ave., Summit, NJ
Hear Dr. Atkins on the radio
show, The M Word, hosted by Lori Sackler,
WOR News Talk Radio 710, Sunday evenings
A Good Daily Habit
Living With Uncertainty in the World
How much more can you take? One more
newscast about bank failures or the worsening
economy and you will just go through the roof!
When your tolerance level is low and current
events get you down, save your sanity and
give yourself a boost by taking a break from
Since you can't control the events that
happen in the world, focus on what is
possible and think about how you can control
certain aspects of your life instead. Stay
connected to people and things that interest
you - this is important for adaptation and
flexibility to new demands. Accept change but
keep practicing your beliefs.
When dealing with the world's uncertainty,
focus on what makes you have hope and feel
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Tips For Determining What Is Important
At a time when we have so much going on and
there are competing priorities pulling us in
directions, it is easy to lose sight of those
things that are of real importance. We may find
our daily lives consumed with errands, chores,
and worries that deplete us, and we put off
time to prioritize those activities which
sustain us. The result can be a less happy
outlook on life.
The effort to bring more satisfaction in our
daily lives requires deliberate, consistent
choice. This does not have to be difficult,
although it may feel that way when we
contemplate saying "no" to those nagging
activities that "eat"
into our time. We CAN develop the habit of
choosing what's vitally important over what is
Here are some tips to get you started:
- Think About What You Would Like To
Do - Which activities do you dream about
doing but never seem to find the time?
Reading for pleasure? Taking a leisurely
hike? Attending a retreat? Traveling?
Write them down and keep them foremost
in your mind.
- Decide What Activities Must Be
Done - These include things you simply
cannot ignore, like going to work, paying the
mortgage, and raising a family.
- Carefully Examine and Cut Out Some of
the Other Activities - This
may not be easy at first, but it is
important. Those activities that don't NEED
to be done or do not feed your soul will take
valuable time from your life that you COULD
devote to what counts.
- Remember That Other People's
Priorities (and Dramas) Need Not be Yours
- It is easy to
be drawn into someone else's life and needs.
Only you can decide who is the recipient of
your precious time and attention. Just make
sure that this does not
ALWAYS happen at the expense of focusing on
When you attend to what is important to you,
you will begin to fill your days with
thoughts, feelings, and activities that
refresh and sustain you. By
prioritizing activities, you can live a life
with purpose, curiosity and passion.
You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from
flying over your head, but you can prevent
them from building nests in your hair.
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!