Modern life is not what it was, and busy
lives for many of us can leave us feeling
disconnected. For some of us, August is a
slow month; for others, the month starts off
slowly but kicks into high gear as we edge
closer to the end of summer.
In Finding What Works For You I focus on
resetting priorities in a way that makes
sense to you. Yes, it is important to keep
up with those activities that simply must be
done. Yet, it is also important to have time
for personally healthy and positive things in
In this month's tips, Avoiding Blame in
Relationships, I provide two key tips for
the focus on blaming your partner and focus
instead on finding solutions, together.
Can you imagine your childhood without your
favorite stories? Neither can I. That is why
I ask you to donate to Jumpstart's Read for
the Record, an early childhood literacy
campaign that encourages adults to read the
same book on the same day with a child in
their life to break a world record. With
just a small donation of $10, you will
provide a copy of this year's campaign book,
Corduroy, to a child in a low income
community. Visit www.readfortherecord.org
to learn more.
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com
updates on my appearances related to my
newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to
Live a Balanced Life. For those of you with
wedding related questions, please see my
column on WeddingChannel.com at:
And if you would like me to speak to your
group or organization, please contact me
directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or contact
the Speakers' Bureau at
I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Finding What Works For You
We have a lot going in our lives these days.
Carving out time to fit in activities we
value but never seem to find enough time for
can make us feel out of sorts and drained.
How do we rejuvenate ourselves when our daily
lives are filled with addressing seemingly
more pressing matters?
Before summer ends and schedules go full
tilt, try to think about the fall and what it
looks like for you. Make a conscious effort
to focus on how you want to shape your
schedule. Think about what you want to have
in your life. This can prevent you being in
a situation where you
find yourself reacting to all sorts of
unplanned or unanticipated events which fill up
Now, in this last month of summer, is a good
time to be proactive with works for you
and soothes you NOW. Think beyond the old
standby solutions. Just because something
worked a few years ago it may not work for
you now. Be creative. Find new things that
contribute to your comfort level.
It may be appropriate to reset priorities.
Focus on relationships to create time and
opportunities to be with people you care
Go outdoors. Enjoy your environment. Look
at things differently. When you do this, you
will be refreshed, rejuvenated and
stimulated. Turn off
technology for a few hours a day to give
yourself more time and energy to
absorb that which is around you.
Whatever the new schedule looks like, the
important thing is that it fits your needs.
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com,
Bottom Line Personal, Volume 29 Number
August 1, 2008 issue: How to Get Along
with People You Don't Like, But Still Need to
A Good Daily Habit
Acknowledge Someone Everyday
Thank someone for doing something that may or
may not be part of their job or role. Notice
them. Tell that person's supervisor, send a
kind note, or give a flower. Affirmation
fuels confidence and self-esteem.
You can have a strong and positive effect on
a person by acknowledging them in a
meaningful way every day.
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
The Blame Game:
Tips for Avoiding Blame in Relationships
The Blame Game, a dangerous game to play in
a relationship. Nobody wins and everyone
BLAME: the definition is to find fault with
or to hold responsible. There is always a
"subtext" of a desire to punish the person
who is the object of the blame. If you are in
a relationship with someone, your role is not
to punish but to work out a solution. If you
are only interested in blaming you are
sending out a very clear message that you
have little or no interest in solving the
conflict between you and that you are totally
blameless in the conflict.
When you blame your partner for something you
take the focus off of the issue and put it
onto the person, thereby pulling you and your
partner further apart. One of you then
becomes defensive, and the real issue gets
lost in the tussle.
Following are two tips to help you put the
focus on solutions:
- Commit to Figuring Out What is Really
Going On -
The real question you want to pay attention
to is not who did what but what are we going
to do about the issue. If you are into
blaming someone you are surely going to
prolong the conflict and move further away
from a chance to resolve the problem.
- Ask Rather Than Blame -
Your partner will be more likely to want to
help solve the conflict if he or she is not
feeling pummeled by blame and shamed into
feeling awful and diminished. Examine one
issue at a time and find a solution that
works for each of you while avoiding blaming
Remember to focus on finding a solution that
helps you both take responsibility for SOME
of what goes on between you and moving toward
the conflict. In doing this, you and your
partner can increase the likelihood of
creating a way of working through conflict.
"Change your thoughts and change your world."
Norman Vincent Peale
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!